18/01/25
09:44
TURN OVER A NEW LEAF
Written by Elijah Winowez
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 3:13-14) Everyone who has run a race
knows that you can break
your stride by looking over
your shoulder to check out
how your opponents are
doing. Many races have been lost when the leader looked
back. When you see that
finish line, that's the time to
give it everything you've got because sometimes it's
mere inches that separate one runner from another. You must stay focused. This is the idea behind Paul's
statement in (Philippians
3:13-14) The apostle was
saying, "Don't look back. Don't look behind you." When God promises, "I, even I, am He who blots out your
transgressions for My own
sake; and I will not remember
your sins" (Isaiah 43:25)
He is not predicting a lapse in His memory. God is saying.
"I will no longer hold your sin
against you because my Son
has paid for it at the cross." But that does not mean that you've been given the licence to sin. Therefore, we need to do what God does: forget our past. Yes, we certainly need to learn from our mistakes and remember some of the bitter lessons we have learned. But we no longer need to be controlled by our past. That is what Paul meant by "forgetting what is behind."
Think about the horrible
things Paul had done. He
shared responsibility for the
death of Stephen and had to carry that in his conscience
until his final day. He knew
that he was responsible for
terrible deeds. But he was
able to put his past in the
past. And we need to do the same.
Negative events of the past
can make it hard to live in the present. Troubling memories can make it hard to sleep or get through the day. There will come a point at which you must let go of the past or it will define your future. And yet, we always carry our pasts with us in the ways we think, talk, and perceive the world.
Managing this can feel like a tightrope walk without an
end in sight. By taking things
step-by-step and keeping
your mind open, you can
come to accept your past as
part of yourself. You can leave behind the negative habits that have kept you tethered to unfulfilled dreams and broken promises.
Everyone is bound to
experience unhappiness in his or her life. I am sure you have had some unpleasant
memories too, perhaps some
which are of real painful ones? Well, forget the past and move on and let time
heal your past.
Obviously, we humans are by nature affectionate with feelings and emotions and to be feeling down and unhappy at times is
inevitable. But then, this is
nevertheless the gift of ours. Now, I am sure you wouldn't
want to be one who is cold
blooded and without any
feeling of love and affection?
Then, the presence of
unpleasant memories has got to just be part and parcel of
your life. You see, it is only
when you actually went
through unhappiness, will you be able to then understand and
truly appreciate the gift of happiness. And just as you are not able to forget all those sweet and wonderful
memories of yours, there is no way you can simply forget the unpleasant past.
To forget the past, that is only running away
from reality. Rather, you
should instead of forgetting
them, remember and accept
them. Now look at this.
Imagine you enjoying your
vacation and suddenly you
receive an overseas phone call from back home with the news that your mum met with a car accident and is in hospital.
Receiving such news, no
matter how fun and exciting
your holiday is, you definitely
won't be able to enjoy yourself anymore, isn't it? But what if we say that at the next instant,
you receive a follow-up call
informing you that it was only a very minor accident and your mum has been discharged? You see, what that happened is you actually went through a
state of drastic change in
emotion. On hearing about the accident, you got scared and worried, overwhelmed by fear and anxiety; the more you think about it the more fear and anxiety grew within you, weighing you down each and every second. But on receiving
next the good news, you let go of them all. And yes, the very key here is you Let Go! Once again, you return back to your normal self and were back smiling again. And why is this so? That is because you have let go of all those fear and were no longer burdened by them anymore. You understood clearly the
situation, knowing very clearly that the problem has been resolved and there is no need for you to worry further.
Well, when there is nothing for you to worry, why would there still be unpleasantness of fear and anxiety?
And well, the same principle
applies here. To move on, you have to learn to let go of the unpleasant past. But to get it clear, by asking you to let go is not asking you to try and forget the past. As mentioned, it is not going to be easy for you to just forget all those past unpleasantness. Yes, you may
claim that you are able to
forget some though. But here, you have to understand that those are just the insignificant
events that have got not at all any harsh impact on you and which is why you are able to forget them very easily. In short, you have understood their insignificance and let go
of them. And hence to be
saying, for those that still
haunt you, you have yet to
understand them enough; you are still unwilling to accept the fact that they actually happened. Now, everything in life happen
for a reason and the reason for going through these
unhappiness is actually to help you to better understand yourself, to allow you to grow wiser and to move on and
progress in life.
Ok, just picture your life to be a test. Now, in that many tests which you have taken, I am sure you didn't score a perfect full mark for all of them? And why is it so?
That is because you didn't fully understand every of what was tested by your teacher? And should you be to retake the tests, why would you do, to ensure that you score a full mark? Well, to be able to achieve full mark this time, you have to study and understand the mistakes that you have earlier made. And here, to be able to truly move on in life, you have to study and understand your unhappiness just like how you would for your mistakes in your tests.
Instead of clinging on so
tightly, you should examine
where things actually went wrong and correct on them.
Take for instance, a break up in relationship, you should
instead of refusal, graciously
accept it as a learning
experience for you to improve on yourself, to understand your mistakes and to hence be able to do better in your next
relationship. Well, think about it. If you are not going to open up yourself, do you think you can fare better in your next relationship? Even if you were to be given another chance to patch up with him or her, of what difference would it make
if you are going to remain immature still and not willing
to adopt changes? Now, I would choose to believe
that you are mature enough to think for yourself.
It is stupid to live in the past,
hold on to painful and negative memories, whip
ourselves in anger and fret and fume with self-pity. But most of us do just that. We need to ask ourselves if it is worth holding on to these memories in our mind’s vaults. These are toxic memories that can damage you every day for the rest of your life. Let us do a
cost-benefit analysis of
whether it is worth the trouble to live with pain, helplessness and anger. We cannot build a future on
our broken past. So start
healing yourself today as life is short and time is of essence. If we do not deal with our pain, it will slowly devour our insides. If we want to take a happy step
into the future, it is important we bury the burdens of the past. Our present is much more
valuable than the past but we are wasting it dwelling on a past that cannot be repaired or changed. It is the present that can change for all of us as we are in charge of it. Junk self-pity starting today. All of us have bad experiences with people or go through trauma because of some unpleasant incident. Dealing with it only makes us stronger and helps us think logically and unemotionally. Forgive all those who caused you hurt.
This is absolutely crucial as otherwise you will carry the anger to your grave.
It takes both magnanimity and courage to forgive but you must have both to heal
yourself. The moment you
forgive completely from the
depths of your heart, you will
feel light and free. You do not see yourself as a
suffering human being
anymore, but as someone who has a new confidence and a new direction. You transform yourself from a victim to an empowered individual. You start realising the value of the
present and stop living in the
past. You stop being self-
destructive. One good way is to give positive self-suggestions. You can also write down negative feeling and then decide it is the last time you will think of them. Or you can draw, paint or just talk to someone close to
you. Re-live your pain and then let it out of your system
forever. Sometimes, you realise that you were to blame.
So, accept responsibility. No more will you live in shame and guilt. Reliving the experience and then letting go requires effort, energy and strength. But when
you do, you will feel lighter
than ever before. You see a
new world emerge before you. It is important to let go off the self-destructive anger, you have been holding on to all
these years. Tell yourself you have the power now to let go and do it. Don’t allow any of it to linger on, as you will again be encircling what you hate most. Only then can you move beyond suffering to discover a new you — a self that accepts every moment of life is wonderful and beautiful.
To cling on
to your unhappiness or to
stand up and courageously
face them, it is all up to you. But I am sure you will make a
wise choice, yeah? Afterall, if
you have had that courage to
stand up again and again
despite all those hurtful falls
when you were a baby, I am sure you can once again stand up on your feet to walk on and move on? Don't let your unpleasant past be an obstacle to you, let it be instead a driving force for you to move on and progress in life. Let go
of the unpleasant past now,
happiness is what you should
deserve.
These are the set of actions
that I’ve found to help
overcome fears, find
motivation, and prioritize:
1. FIND A PURPOSE. You might already know what
your purpose is, but it’s
good to review it and keep
it at the forefront of your
thoughts. If you don’t have
a purpose, start here: what will you want to look back
on at the end of your life?
What will make your life
feel significant? What will
give your life some
meaning? If you don’t have an answer to these
questions, it’s worth
spending a little time here.
Go for a walk and think
about it.
2. EMBRACE YOUR DESIRE. You’re reading this article
because you have a desire
to do something positive in
your life. Embrace that. Isn’t
it wonderful that you have
this desire? See this as the first positive step, one
you’ve already taken. Now
use it and take action.
3. CREATE A SPACE. You won’t make any changes if
you don’t create a small
space for the change. When
will you start making the
change? In the morning, in
the evening, during your lunch break? Don’t wait for
the change to happen —
make it happen. Block off
some time on your calendar
each day, even if it’s just 10
or 15 minutes. If you don’t have the time, think about
how long you spend each
day on Facebook, TV, games,
or doing smaller tasks that
aren’t as important. Push
those back for just a bit, and do what’s most important
to you first.
4. SURROUND YOURSELF. The best way to make change
happen is to surround
yourself with others making
a similar change
themselves, others who will
support your change. Find a few people online or off,
and create a support team
that will check in with each
other regularly. Yes, this
might take some work. Yes,
you can do it.
5. MAKE THE ACCOUNTABILITY. Find at least one person
who will hold you
accountable for making this
change. It might be the
support team mentioned
above, or a coach, or an accountability partner. Tell
them not to let you off the
hook.
6. TAKE A SMALL ACTION. If you’re overwhelmed by a
large change, or you found yourself so miserable and frustrated, that's not the end of your life. Change destination and make new friends, begin a new and better way of behaving. Take a small step, and get moving. Remember, movement begets movement. Therefore, even if you have failed over and over again before, that's not the stop! Just take another small step with faith, and then you will see something great happening in your life. This is how change is created.
